How to Recognize Spiritual Narcissism in Pastors and Spiritual Leaders

Graphic courtesy of The Wittenburg Door.

Religious communities can be places of healing — or playgrounds for manipulation. In this advanced excerpt below, satirist Becky Garrison pulls no punches in Gaslighting for God: A Satirical Guide to Save Yourself from Spiritual Narcissists, where she exposes how so-called spiritual leaders twist faith into self-promotion, profit, and control. Sign up for preorder notification of this important new book here.

Spotting the Signs of Spiritual Narcissism

At its core, spiritual narcissism is a psychological pattern where individuals exploit spiritual practices and beliefs to reinforce their inflated sense of self-importance. These ungodly gurus cherry-pick and twist religious texts, ecclesiastical titles, slogans, and other signifiers of their particular brand of faith to justify their behaviors. Even though they may mouth the appropriate words needed to sound sincere, they do not live out those principles. They may bless those who follow them, but in the end, they will prioritize their commercial success over extending Christlike compassion or Buddhist blessings.

Any sign in the universe will be misinterpreted as ontological proof that they’re the lead singer in the Spiritual Supremes. They’ll not only brag about their #1 holy hits but insist that all their followers must sing along to their leader’s lyrics. But watch out if anyone tries to change the channel or encourages other voices to sing their own songs. Worse, see what happens when anyone dares to compose their own creations, thus depriving their leaders of claiming all the credit for this co-creation. These religious renegades will quickly find themselves subjected to “thoughts and prayers” encouraging them to repent of their wayward ways. Come back into the fold and follow, follow, follow.

Those on the end of the narcissistic spectrum can go so far as to believe they are their own god or goddess. In their self-proclaimed role as the ultimate Almighty, they justify utilizing their authority to control those under their spell, even at the expense of crossing ethical and legal boundaries. Examine the claims any spiritual leader makes about their work. Do they offer to help guide seekers along their journey, or do they promise they can heal you from all that ails you? Remember that a true spiritual guide will offer support, but they will not play miracle worker.

Strolling Along the Spiritual Bypass

Psychologist, psychotherapist, and author John Welwood coined the term “spiritual bypassing” in 1984 to describe a common tendency he discovered among aspiring Western mystics to use spiritual ideas and practices to avoid dealing with their emotional unfinished business. Watch them flaunt their faith on Facebook, which they crosspost to Instagram, TikTok, X, LinkedIn, Substack, Rumble, Truth Social, Pinterest, BlueSky, YouTube, Threads, WhatsApp, Telegram, Signal, Reddit, and any other online platforms I might have missed. Then there’s the unpastoral pillow talk on say Christian Mingle, eHarmony, Ashley Madison, and Tinder that should give any sane spiritual soul considerable concern.

Their practices are not paths toward actual enlightenment but badges of honor they display like pastoral peacocks. All their social media feeds are chock full of pictures and videos documenting their perfect practices, not to mention audio and text filled with spiritual-ese: Anointed, Awakened, Blessed, Energetic Healer, Gaia Goddess, Higher Consciousness, Inner Enlightenment, Karuṇā Care, Lightworker, Manifest, Reiki-inspired Religion, Saved, Washed in the Blood of the Lamb, or any other pat phrase designating them as more spiritually evolved than us mere mortals. They’ll careen along the spiritual bypass like they’re trying to win the Indy 500, all the while uttering meaningless phrases like, “My ‘thoughts and prayers’ are with you,” “It’s God’s will,” or “The universe will provide.” They don’t have any time to stop and offer any actual concrete help or even a sincere hug that at least acknowledges the problem at hand.

While true transcendence centers on the sense of connection and similarity between self and others, a spiritual narcissist is driven by a need to be separate from and better than their fellow humans. Not only are they more evolved than others, with a super-special connection to the deity of their choosing, but they belittle those who do not follow their specific practices and beliefs. Time to cue up that ol’ classic from the Austin Lounge Lizards, “Jesus Loves Me (But He Can’t Stand You).” Their charming persona and enticing promises convince their disciples they are members of a special tribe of chosen people through which blessings will flow to them. But — and this is a big but — you only get your blessings if you buy, buy, then buy some more into their message.

Here the term “buy” is used both metaphorically and literally. For one to be accepted as a member of a particular theological tribe run by a super-duper spiritual narcissist, one must buy into their message while also buying their products. Just pony up the cash for their latest book, subscriber-only Substack, their branded fast-fashion clothing, and whatever other swill they’re selling. As long as you keep paying the piper, maybe, just maybe, you can ride along. But if you forget to fork over your faith and funds, they’ll ride off into the sunset without you.

Cashing in for Christ or Chakras

The Christian Industrial Complex and multinational mindful movements headed by shamanic superstars encourage this dynamic as they benefit from the money and publicity generated by self-appointed spiritual masters. These institutions have a sordid history of elevating select gurus to positions of power. When questioned about their support for unbiblical blowhards, these faith-based fixtures express contempt, calling their critics “unawakened,” “un-evolved,” “unenlightened,” and other soulless slams. This long-standing inability to put into practice the Greatest Commandment to “love thy neighbor as thyself” continues to advance the self-interests of elites in power, keeping their devoted fans captive to their whims. These self-anointed sages are aided and abetted in their quest by their faithful followers along with those who stand to profit from these pseudo-prophets’ platforms, such as book publishers, denominations, conference and festival organizers, speaker bureaus, brand managers, literary agents, and personal publicists, in conjunction with a compliant media all too willing to hype up this unholiness if the price is right.

If a spiritual sleaze lands a publisher willing to fork over the requisite cash to buy their place of pride on bestseller lists, they have now entered the “too big to fail” category. Some may choose to donate some of their ill-gotten gains to their favorite charity cause under the guise of “doing good.” Since these charities need these funds in order to survive, even when they learn of abuses committed by their key benefactor(s), they know to remain silent lest they lose their faith-based funding.

Should a spiritual superstar’s dastardly deeds get exposed, their newfound celebrity status has now granted them admission into an inner circle filled with best-selling Christian and secular exploiters. This group of malevolent missionaries bands together by quoting and endorsing each other’s works, further cementing each of them as invaluable experts spouting a Teflon-like theology that supposedly can’t be touched. Just follow the money; then you can see what they truly worship.

Here are a few examples. An aging progressive spiritual surfer speaking at a faux-progressive/affirming church in Portland, Oregon called me a “plant” when I questioned his conservative funding streams. I smiled Southern-style and said, “No,” grateful I could keep my calm while asking him the kind of questions I knew had to be asked despite our mutual discomfort. The audience smiled in tacit agreement with him, while looking at me as though I had invaded their holy sanctuary after eating a bean and cheese burrito bowl.

Then there’s the spiritual surfer’s sidekick, a firebrand who once told an acquaintance of mine, “It doesn’t matter what I believe. It matters what sells.” Continuing this “woe is me” meme from manipulators, an emergent thought leader whose work has grown spiritually stale bemoaned to a colleague, “I hate when people critique me as it impacts my book sales.” Now factor in all the multilevel marketing (MLM) moves within the woo-woo wellness, mindless meditation, and sacred sexuality for sale that clogged up my social media feeds when I began researching this book. You get the gist. All me and no we.

Let’s face it: spiritual narcissists pull moves that would make the Baby Jesus soil his diaper. Dunno about you, but I lack bandwidth right now for such a dump.

Top Ten Signs Your Church Might Be Led by a Spiritual Narcissist

10. Always emerges as the victorious warrior during theological smackdowns.
9. Their missional motto: “I said it. I believe it. That settles it.”
8. In lieu of church bingo, they play the shame game.
7. Their tattooed theology is in tatters.
6. Favors Bible beatings over blessings.
5. The church sign may say “Welcome” but their greeters are the Frozen Chosen.
4. Always leaving on their private jet plane.
3. Claims their book sales are doing better than the Bible.
2. Feels up and then fleeces their flock.
1. More ostentatious than Osteen.

Adapted with permission. Photo by Alexander Wark Feeney on Unsplash.

Gaslighting for God is both a warning siren and a survival guide — a way to recognize when faith has been hijacked by ego and when it’s time to walk away.

Sign up for preorder notification of this important new book here.

This except was originally posted on the Lake Drive Book’s website.